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Dear Universe

© 2011 Matthew Kenneally

Carried Away

I'm always on the back foot
but it's all in my head
 
and you gave me an inch
I mistook it for a mile
you give me an inch
and i run a f'cking mile
 
My breath is shaking
and you feel nothing
 
and all I want
is for you to be happy
…as long as it's with me

Martyr

I'll tell you a story
that's how it begins
then you shed a tear 
and tell all your friends
 
It's not what life does to you
but what you do with it
so this is my product
and now my sales pitch
 
the trick is knowing not to give too much away at once
but just enough to make them think you've had it really tough
and I was mentally prepared to be beheaded Lord
now I'm a Saint but I've got nothing to be martyred for
 
and I don't ask a lot
I'll be remembered for thinking too much
my golden ticket is honesty
I've got the timing down to a tee
 
ladies and gentlemen
listen up
I had something to say 
but I forgot
 
something about the stars, I think
probably someone else's story
someone else's dream
 
I smoke too much
I attract bad luck
 but I wear it like a medal
pleased to meet you
I'm very special
 
and I can't move
but I'm not content
so I'll just complain 
about the debt I'm in

Mansuit

It's raining again
should've seen it coming
woke up in a cold sweat
 
I can't get out of this mansuit
gonna get wet
 
the sky is crawling with satellites
it's nice
a mighty rush of wind
and voices chattering tonight
 
and the ground beneath
is ankle deep
the air is thick
it's that kind of heat
the heavy squeeze
the constant itch
the beads of sweat
the sweat that sticks
it's a dangerous summer
cicadas hiss
liquid birds
an oily mix
a stomach full of butterflies
head full of bees
like the seconds before 
you're about to be sick
 
and it slips through your fingers
it's hot like a pen
it's the blanket of noise
as the rain sets in
and I'm turning in bed
I can see it clear
this gift from God 
is my greatest fear
I join the dots
but they disappear
and now butterflies swarm
up out of my head
and chew on the thread
they're not your friends 
they're not your friends 
they're not your friends
 
I pull up at the lights 
but the lights don't change
jump out of the car
out into the rain
it's not just a phase
I've been here before
this private hell
a mattress on the floor
it grows up through the cracks
now it's picking up speed
this single point
is all I can see
and everything's flashing 
green and pink
don't touch me 
don't kiss me
i'm gonna be sick
 
and dreaming you 
were naked on
a rug with him
as I looked on
a demonstration of how it's done
c'mon show me how it's done 
show me how it's done

On

sit and stare
cold cup of tea
it's so sad
but there are no tears 
from me
 
one by one soon you'll see
there'll be nothing left of me
 
sit and wait
try to meditate
and believe I am God
as if it's all it takes
to become something that you're not
 
think I'll go and fantasize
about that girl with the eyes
she's always there in my mind
comforts me every time
 
I am a paper crane
with delicate beauty
but beneath the layers
the paper's empty
 
one by one soon you'll see
there'll be nothing left of me
 
I said I don't want to talk
it leaves no mystery
it seems to me
it's better to be
somebody else
 
then I can be any one
of the others I've become
there's still hope just as long
nothing's out in the open

Son and Father

sit around at the table
elbows off if you're able
bow our heads to say grace
 
but my brother spills his drink
before I get to think
my heart starts to race
 
like some big fucking alarm bell
we're walking on eggshells
we try so hard not to step on his toes
and I guess he'll never know
 
and you had us all sussed out
knew what we were all about
you always had the things to say
 
my sister's destined to be single
the other one was fat
my brother's dumb
and I was gay

Punch Drunk

heart's beating wildly
stare down at my feet
can't look her in the eyes 
as she continues to speak
 
I wanna leave the moment
wanna run and hide
I'll be back in a moment
I need to go outside
 
I'm punch drunk
I'm in love
maybe this time
I won't throw up​
 
lately I find myself
gazing at the stars
drowning all my regrets
with romances I make up
 
some day my princess will come
and then my racing heart
I guess I'll always need to vomit
as long as I'm in love

Very Impressive

Very impressive
but no one else is watching
 
pretty feathers
all that matters
 
look into my eyes
you'll see
I can make you cry for me
it's all about timing
and I've got it down to a tee
 
don't you think that it's adorable that I'm scared of spiders?
I am the strong silent type 
beautifully mysterious
 
today I saw a unicorn
I had to tell you
I lit a fire on my own in the cold
without you

Full Moon

I haven't moved much in a while
too many things to organise
too many options leaves me paralysed
 
I can't sit still on my own
used to be good at being alone
I guess I'll try again tomorrow
 
I'm lying face-down on the floor
with a humble heart to please the Lord
'cos I got taught that less is more
 
I'm turning red
I'm just a kid
humiliated from your bag of tricks
you always seemed to get a kick out of it
​
and I keep them well fed
a couple of giants in my head
and smoke another cigarette
it's easier to be led
why can't you stay depressed
so we can still be friends?
 
too weak to clench my fist
under a blanket of static
swarms of little tiny birds make up the
fuzz in my head
and so I'll stay here in bed
and feed the giants instead
 
and it's just a full moon
and there's no need to be scared
there's certain things I can't forget
i'm rolling over in bed
I wished that I'd never asked
about your beautiful past
 
but is it intuition 
or a paranoid mind?
faced with a sea of in-conclusions
something doesn't feel right
just change your point of view
maybe learn to unwind

Little Christ

just keep looking at my hand
don't take your eyes off
laying hands on the sick
smile at the camera
can't wipe the grin off you face
you got your first one
 
ladies and gentlemen
please take a look at our friend
was where he shouldn't have been
and cause of one little sin
he has picked up a demon
now let the party begin
 
“can we dim the lights
can someone get up to play?”
my heart's pounding in my chest
my thoughts are starting to race
is He knocking on my door?
it's too difficult to say
 
and in between handing out tracts on the street
you told our father his wife would be back 
the sort of shit that I mean
these promises you can't keep
but God told you in a dream
 
and handing out prophesies willy-nilly
told a guy to get off his pills 'n' he
flipped out he was mentally ill
you could get someone killed 
but you wouldn't learn still
someone else'd clean up the spill
 
and even now that i'm older
still looking over my shoulder
a quick step turns into a run
i just wanna be done
but we're tied together like father and son
 
who do you think you are
with resurrection power?
you think you hold all the keys
and hand them out if we say please
 
you think you're superman
you feel the heat in your hand
nothing stands in your way
not even common sense

Wounded Animal

I love you like I'd love a cigarette right now
I'm going down
I'll take the three of us
and keep you at arms length
 
and while you dreamed I was the alpha-male
I dreamed I was with someone else
of course I didn't tell

you are a wounded animal
you appeal to my ego
and lately I'm in this position
where if I wanted to I could
break your heart
 
but please don't go away
I just need something to blame
and don't take it personally
'cos I've got a lazy streak
 
as long as you never try
you can be anything you like
 
with honesty you know that I'm obsessed
but I only wanted to be the best
I gave up my will and lay down my head
fell half asleep in a daydream bed
 
and I got told that if you welcome your fears
if you embrace them then they'll disappear
but this shit has been going on for years
and who's to say that there's more than this
 
too many thoughts fuck it give them to me all at once
too many details I know I should have never asked
so come on honey it won't take much
I'm sitting on my hands just throw the first punch
 
now all that's left is to distract myself
a welcome change from this perpetual hell
just sleep it off and dull the senses
don't look for answers when the thing is bottomless

Nell

you told me one night
you were too scared to die
and be left alone
in the dark
i stared up into space
my eyes carried me far
to a lonely distant star
 
well the same things scare me too
but they shouldn't scare you
 
and I watched you cry
when you tried to describe
what's it's like
not to feel
and I wanted to say
but it started to rain
everything's gonna be ok
 
and i wish that i could make it right
and drive and chase away the night

Be Yourself

you performed well
everybody liked you
you're the funny one
and they all laughed at you
you'll be invited again
they won't forget you
and it's almost like 
the real thing
 
you bleached your hair
nobody likes red
check the mirror
but you say you don't care
and I don't know what I'm trying to say
but I'm sorry anyway

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